Blessed Be Your Name

"You give and take away.

You give and take away.

My heart will choose to say,

‘Lord blessed be your name.’"

The thing about living in a very spiritual, demanding, and emotionally draining community is that people leave.  All the time.  This was one of the biggest surprises to me, and one of hardest things I’ve faced.  Residents drop out of the program and mentors are asked to leave or decide God is calling them elsewhere.  It feels like someone has left every week since I’ve gotten here.  This leaves me feeling hopeless; I wonder if it’s even worth it.  If so many residents leave the program, is it really worth my time being here?  How can we ask each other to be completely honest and vulnerable if the person you’re talking to today might be gone tomorrow?  So many questions, fears, worries, and doubts fill my mind.  But the words from the song Blessed Be Your Name keep coming back to my head.  God has blessed me by bringing so many wonderful people into my life, and he has also blessed me by taking people out of my life.  Instead of becoming bitter and angry, I’m learning to praise him through this.  I’m also learning how to grieve losses, instead of allowing myself to become numb.  Every time I see someone leave His Mansion, it hurts, and it feels like its getting harder and harder to see people go.  At the same time, though, it’s getting easier for me to trust God and praise him, being thankful for the people who are still here.  I also need to remind myself that God is not only working at His Mansion.  He is working everywhere.  When people leave, God goes with them.  Just because someone left His Mansion doesn’t mean they won’t receive the healing or love they would have if they stayed.  The best thing I can do, instead of dwelling on the fact that people are leaving, is pour myself into the people who are still here, remembering that even when things don’t make sense whatsoever, God is still working.